Nuances

Hello world!

Maria John — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 10:47:07 +0000

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In ashes – A momentary halt to life

Maria John — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 22:55:00 +0000

One always thinks of catastrophes that can happen to one self. Some may say that this is negative thinking but I think the human mind has such tendencies which is quite normal. Some like to openly express it out and some don’t like to. The ones who openly express it out are often misunderstood for being pessimists.

At times, I used to wonder, what would have happened to me if I was living anywhere close to where the Tsunami hit in 2004? Or what if I met with a tragic accident that did not result in my death but would have left me in a crippled state? Well, I don’t go on endlessly thinking like this as my own thoughts scare me and I end it then and there.

My mind did go through a whirlwind of similar thoughts in the wee hours of September 16. Early morning thoughts?? Yes, unfortunately that is when the fire broke out in the flat right above mine. I don’t think I would ever forget the incident for many reasons. I was able to witness various reactions from people around me. The incident turned out to be the perfect example that life, after all, can end up in ashes, any day, any time.

It was 3:15am and I could faintly hear the door bell ringing endlessly. As I was trying to get out of my sweet slumber, I could also hear a constant banging on the front door. All of a sudden, I realised it was not one of my crazy senseless dreams. The sounds were very real and I jumped out of bed at the immediate realisation of the same.

Riya and myself headed towards the front door. I felt some maniac was desperately trying to get into our house. We almost called out at the same time to the stranger outside, “Who is it?”. The only difference in what came out of my mouth and hers was the language and the tone. I ended up blurting out in a half frantic voice, “Aara?” (which means ‘Who is it?’ in Malayalam). Yeah, it beats me too as to why on earth I would say that considering I live in Chennai. According to Riya, people in fear will end up blurting out anything under the sun in their mother tongue and I proved to be a perfect example for this…sigh…

I finally opened the door and saw Amar (the watchman) who quickly blabbered something (which at that time I strongly believe was the ‘fear’ version of some Indian language) and ran downstairs. I was stunned and was wondering what the hell was going on. I looked out of the flat confused and still in my sleepy state (this state refers to me looking like a zombie puppy with my hair in a mess). Amar came back and the moment he saw my confused look, started screaming out pointing his hand upwards, “Aag…Aag…AC par aag laga hai….” (Fire..Fire…The AC has caught fire…). Please forgive me if my recollection of the Hindi phrases are incorrect as I have very well proved earlier in this post that I was in Malayalam fear mode at the time.

A fire? Seriously, in our building? I was looking at him in disbelief until I saw Nisha coming downstairs. In fact, she appeared to come out of a black cloud of some sort (do not misunderstand that my brain works slowly, like I mentioned earlier, I was in zombie puppy state). It took just seconds to realise that the black cloud was indeed a black cloud of smoke. Nisha came down the stairs, saw me and said, “My flat is on fire!!” That woke me up big time and I realised that everyone was rushing downstairs and Amar was desperately trying to get everyone out of the building.

I was totally not prepared for this and I came out wearing my T-shirt and short skirt (please stop all possible imagination right now). It was an unusually cold and windy night and I started to shiver a bit. (This was one moment I really wished this was just nothing but a dream….after all….shivering in Chennai???) All of us assembled outside the building and looked skywards. We were a bunch of helpless souls watching raging flames which seemed had enough potential to likely engulf the entire terrace. My flat was just below the terrace (Gulp!). I looked around and I could see people hurriedly dialing all the possible emergency numbers. I saw a couple of people who took off in their bikes to get to the nearest police check post to alert them of the situation. I could see sleepy worried looks on everyone’s’ face. I could hear gossip talks on the likely cause of the fire. The topic that disturbed most of us was the possibility of the gas cylinder inside Nisha’s flat catching fire and leading to an explosion which will result in a fire that would be really difficult to control and put out.

Meanwhile, I could see Nisha pacing up and down, constantly talking over the phone. Poor thing must be really worried. We spoke to her for some time. I felt she was comparatively composed and I think was quite positive minded that the fire would not result in a major loss. Riya and myself were thinking that we are empty handed and what if the fire spread to the floor beneath. That thought left both of us uneasy. It made us realise how we take life for granted. How can we be so sure that there will definitely be a tomorrow? Are we always prepared for the worst?

Riya was suggesting that we should always keep a bag that has all our important stuff so that when we need to run out, we can do so by just taking that bag with us. It sounded like a practical idea but would any of us really implement it? I am sure many of us out there would think it is a crazy idea. But you wouldn’t if you ended up standing outside your building at 3:30am watching the terrace on fire and wishing that you could have at least taken your purse out with you.

The fire brigade finally arrived after an hour and took more than half an hour to put out the fire. Finally we walked upstairs to have a look at the flat only to find charred remains of the same. It was impossible to say that there was once a double bed, laptop, etc as we could not make out any of it. Nisha was standing in one corner and sobbing. She was lucky to have got out of the flat on time.

Incidents like these often prove to be a reality check. There need not be a rosy tomorrow as it takes only a few seconds for life to turn upside down. The words that were ringing in my mind for a while: “It is better to live life to the fullest than not to have lived a life at all”.

Blast from The Past – Chest number 127

Maria John — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:01:00 +0000

This was the chest number on my T shirt that I wore when I participated in the Sports day in Choice School. It was the year 2000 and I was looking forward to kissing the race tracks once again after a gap of two years. The whole thought used to freak me out but nevertheless I did not want to lose out the opportunity.

The day was memorable in many ways. It was the first time my brother actually saw me run as an athlete for my usual events like 100m, 200m and 4x100m relay. This was the day I also discovered the fastest antidote to acidity. Yes, my friends, believe it or not, a 100m race is the quickest way to get rid of one’s acidity problems. Two days before the Sports day, I developed what I would call an extreme case of acidity which I had never come across before. At that time I had absolutely no idea it was acidity. All I knew was that I was in pain due to the stomach ache and I dreaded what I would do if this did not go away on the Sports Day. My mother was convinced it had to be acidity. And I always thought that things like these happen only to the elderly folks.

Finally, D-Day arrived and I was looking sick and miserable. Everyone told me to relax and if required to drop out of the events. I really did not want to do that because I was the only person who made it to the finals for 100m, 200m and 4x100m relay from my House (Gangothri). For the first time I enjoyed the Sports Day like as if it was a picnic. All the participants who did make it to the finals were my own classmates and I was proud to belong to a class that had good sportswomen.

The 100m race was about to begin and all of us lined up at the starting line. I gave almost everyone a hug as most of them were my classmates and good friends. The referee finally blew the whistle and off we ran. I was leading the pack for a good 80m and then another participant over took me. I am not surprised as I was known to be a silver medalist for a damn good reason during my school days in Dubai. I was very happy all the same to realize that I had not lost my touch at all. Suddenly I realized the pain in my stomach vanished and I was stunned at the discovery. Hence the discovery of the 100m antidote for acidity.

Blast from the Past – Pilot

Maria John — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:48:00 +0000

I do not have the habit of keeping a diary but that does not mean I do not like to keep record of memories; both good and bad. I am just too lazy to keep a diary and do not have the discipline of writing what happens every single day. May be it could be because I do not want to come face to face to accept the fact that nothing much really happens in my life and hence result in having ‘boring’ entries in my diary. So instead of keeping a diary, I did have the habit of maintaining a collection of things that would remind me of memories of long ago. This habit too did not last for long.

I had taken one week off to spend some time at home. For 5 months, I was away at London and I still remember the day before the flight. I was hurrying up with the packing and vacating my room in Chennai. So much of junk had to taken back to Cochin and dumped. I had decided then that it was high time I do some tidying up back at home.

So here I was, looking at my cupboard of junk and slowly started to work on what needs to be kept and what needs to be thrown out of the house. It was during this time, I came across two shoe boxes. They were dusty and dirty. The boxes opens up to a lot of memories. I used to keep all the chits of paper that used to passed around during class hours. It was very amusing for me to read them, many of them almost 10 years old!!

There were emotional letters; some after reading I could not help and laugh at myself on how we kids used to get all worked up on the most trivial matters, but some letters did leave a tinge of sadness and wishing how life would have been if matters did not twist and turn the way they did.

I did throw all of them but I decided to mention some of the things I did come across during my rampage through the boxes in my blog

Watch out for these in the upcoming posts !

Check out Jango.com

Maria John — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:06:00 +0000

For some of my close friends, the name ‘Jango’ will ring a bell for different reasons.

However, Jango.com (http://www.jango.com) is a website which has a lot of online radio stations. I came across this one a long time ago. Today evening I suddenly remembered about this website and was in a mood to listen to anything random.

I end up discovering a lot of songs this way. I turn on the volume to the music while I cook and do a bit of household cleaning.

By the way, this webite is only for English music lovers!

Stop Cribbing….

Maria John — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:38:00 +0000

A voice within started to monotonically say these words to me, “Stop cribbing….and the world will become a better place”. I hate to admit it, but it is quite true.

I am not getting into the ‘who and what’ behind the source of the voice and this is completely left to the discretion of the reader.

I was on a frustration streak thanks to my work. This did not start recently. I think it did start way before than I can remember but the after effects are coming out now in bursts and spurts.

Many of my friends think I am quite funny when I am frustrated. Yeah, one does end up doing stupid stuff during this period. I feel my confidence level just goes tremendously high when I am frustrated because this is when my mind actually speaks out.

The work that I did for 5 months in London was good, even though I did not work in a team, it made me learn how to go about doing things on my own, who to approach to get information and most importantly, how to approach people. When I look back, I realize I absolutely did not know A, B and C of how to approach people. In the initial days, I will not be surprised if I angered a couple of individuals thanks to my approach. But all said and done, I feel I have changed a lot and it was a good learning experience. The fact of not working in a team, many a times, made me feel lonely. I did spend time with other teams but it is not easy to catch hold of them when I am free and vice versa. However, this loneliness was not very evident until I came back to Chennai to continue my work.

I end up in projects where only a single resource is required. This sucks big time. I end up going for breakfast, lunch, tea and sometimes even dinner on my own. I sometimes try to pull some people to come along with me, but not very successful at that always.

Gradually, I stopped cribbing to myself. Maybe I was fed up of the same or maybe it’s because of the absolute bliss I enjoyed in solitude. I have always enjoyed observing people around me and I enjoy this to the fullest now. I get time to reflect on some thoughts, many of them good ones, which results in a smile on my face.

I stopped cribbing…..and the world became a better place for me to live in again.

Cheers!

The King of Pop – MJ

Maria John — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:34:00 +0000

It’s been years since I had listened to any of Michael Jackson’s songs. This could be because in a way, he kind of got phased out from the current Pop scene. But his all time hits like Thriller, Black or White, Beat it, etc just cannot be forgotten. Unfortunately, the reasons for which he used to hit the news most of the time almost made me blur him out of my mind. I just did not know what to believe. But he is undoubtedly the King of Pop.

Just before I left for work today morning, I saw one of my roommates hurriedly switching on the television to see a news channel. That’s when I saw the breaking news of “Michael Jackson dies of cardiac arrest”. I did gape looking at it for a few seconds but soon snapped out of it as I had to hurry to catch the company bus.

During the entire day, my mind used to wander away back to memories as to when and how I had heard of Michael Jackson for the very first time. Although, I had heard of him during my early childhood but I think it was when I was 10yrs or 11yrs old that I heard his songs for the first time in my uncle’s house. My cousin Mathew, a huge fan of MJ, had a collection of all of his songs if I am not mistaken. Even today, the background music that plays in my head when I enter his room would be one of MJ’s songs. I think it was my beginning to listening to English music.

I remember when I used to use my initials M.J, my friends used to tease me saying that I was trying to be Michael Jordan or Michael Jackson who had the same initials.

His death did come as a shock; my reaction has surprised me the most. It just goes to show that there are a lot of fans out there, and also people like me who would have relived some moments back in time, cherishing his music and moves, while watching the tragic news of his death.

Frustration

Maria John — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:39:00 +0000

Irritated Anger Moron Senseless Stupid Upset Quit Lost Useless WalkOut Strike DontCare Escalate Awful
Exploit Overload .i. GetLost BirdBrain Torture Harass
Fight Bold Shout Scream Tears ArseHole JackAss
Slap ……………………………………………………..

Hmmm….wondering what happened to the sentences of this post? Well, this is what happens whenever frustration hits a new high for me.

Some things are never meant to happen…..

Maria John — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 08:23:00 +0000

This thought comes to my mind very often whenever things never turn out as expected. Many say that is what makes life exciting. I agree….to a certain extent. It hurts when some things never happen the way we desire.

This lines of thoughts often reminds me of a Malayalam movie which I really like; may be because it has my favourite actors (Mohanlal, Shobana) or probably because of its story, I am not sure. The movie is called Pakshe, released in 1994. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0292167/

One of the songs of the movie, wish the video had more clarity.

It is one of those movies I really wished that the ending was not the way it is. It is sad to see the harsh reality of life, where one comes so close to re-uniting with your childhood love but alas! , that yet again never happens to work out for those two. Many a times, I do not watch till the end of that movie only because I feel sad after the movie is over and the thought of “Some things are never meant to happen…” lingers for a long time.

Goodbye London!

Maria John — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:46:00 +0000

I have mixed feelings when I think of leaving London. May 16 is the day. I sometimes wonder if I would be back to London later. At this point, I really don’t know. The thought of going back to India gets me excited; to see my family after 5 months is a thrill in itself, after all it is the longest that I have stayed away from family.

The sadness creeps in when I realize of all the things I would miss about my life in London so far.

Initially, I use to think that the weather out here can depress any one. It is always cloudy and windy and there were days together when I have not seen sunlight at all. I used to get all excited when it’s a sunny day out here and I don’t blame the Brits who forever start their conversation with an update on the weather. It’s just that I now realise that I have got used to the life out here, however boring that it may seemed in the beginning.

I will miss my everyday walk to office which is my most favourite part of the day. The greenery all around me calms me down and brings within me a peaceful feeling. A smile props up on my face all through the walk. Except for my roommates, everyone else used to think I am crazy to walk everyday to office. None of them could feel the absolute bliss in walking I used to experience.

I will miss all those people that I have enjoyed working with, people who make me smile with joy, people who I like to see every day as their mere presence used to make my day. I secretly wish that I either get to see these people back in Chennai or I get to go again to London to meet them.

I will miss the yummy ice creams I used to have, the food and wine I used to enjoy immensely, all of it which has resulted me to become a little plump. I am officially out of the ‘skinny’ league. I can hear faintly my mom’s voice saying, “Hurray…she is finally put on some weight”.

I will miss the tube train journeys and bus journeys I had to get in around London. It was like being in the game called ‘Monopoly’ where in I came across places like Leceister Square, Trafagalar Square, Bond Street, Kings Cross Station, Water works, Piccadilly Circus, White Chapel Road, Marylebone station, etc…. and I used to say to myself, “Man….these places really do exist!! “

I will not forget how I reached Baker Street and came face to face with Sherlock Holmes statue ( well, not exactly face to face due to the statue’s height )

I think I could go on forever, in short, I will miss London.
Check out the video which Mr Anonymous below has posted in his comment: